From The Onion:
LONDON—Just days after the discovery of several previously unreleased Beatles recordings in the attic of Abbey Road Studios, fans and critics across the globe have renounced their enthusiasm for the rock and roll band that was once revered by millions. "This unfortunate find has forced music historians to completely reassess the talents of John, Paul, George, and Ringo," said Beatles scholar Mark Lewisohn, who has dated the tapes to early 1968. "These songs are awful. That one sax solo alone has utterly negated the genius of Magical Mystery Tour and Rubber Soul combined. Certainly this missing link goes a long way toward explaining their solo careers." In reaction to the discovery, Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys has shown dramatic signs of improved mental health.